couple speaking with therapist

The Transformational Model Through Original Justice Work

couple speaking with therapist

My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am. 

Anais Nin


It was in the mid eighties when Kip Flock, the director of the John Bradshaw Center and John Bradshaw designed the Transformational Model for the Recovering Community that became the umbrella for Inner Child Work. This model was used to restore the broken parts of adult children who were abused, neglected or abandoned in their childhood. The wounds and trauma incurred from dysfunctional families manifested in addiction and lives interrupted. This model is what we use to put back the pieces of the torn lives of those who lost their childhood through no fault of their own. The process takes time, a willingness to suffer through the trauma of original pain, and a therapist who is trained in this manner to guide clients through the gauntlet of reparation to wholeness.

Ten Steps in the Transformational Model for the Recovering Community

Here is the model:

  1. Realize the compulsivity, stuckness (acknowledge and identify)
  2. Share feelings about stuckness with witness (client shares with therapist/ group members)
  3. Be aware of the self-talk (what do you say to yourself?)
  4. Age regress in a safe place (therapist regresses client to a safe place to prepare for Original Pain Work)
  5. Realize the abuse with safe people (client shares the abuse with therapist/group members
  6. Nurture the inner child and re-parent (client has his/her adult self give to the child what was denied to him/her)
  7. Empowerment through deepening feelings of original pain (therapist deepens the feelings by using words to support the effort)
  8. Challenge shame voice for just resolutions (client challenges the shame voice [inner critic]) chair work
  9. Shame reduction by countering carried self-constructs (client gives positive affirmations to self/future pace)
  10. Boundary maintenance and awakening to “the calling” (Becoming the person you were meant to be)

These ten steps are inclusive of many therapeutic modalities that when combined, lead to wholeness and well-being. The model includes Gestalt Therapy, Parts Work, Neuro-linguistic Programming, Eriksonian Hypnosis and Psychodrama, all designed for shame reduction work.  As time passed, EMDR (eye movement, desensitization and reprocessing) was added. When this model was designed, EMDR had not yet been created.  EMDR is a highly experiential modality that effectively treats trauma. Each modality is chosen for a specific outcome. The main goal is to heal the wounds and trauma of original pain suffered in childhood. Not unlike a golf bag each club is designed specifically for the distance of each hole. The same is true for this model. Depending on the issue, the therapist must choose a modality that will be most effective to achieve results. There are times when a mixture of modalities can produce the best outcome.  It is truly an art; not a science. It might be compared to a chef that uses their intuition to add their personal touch to flavor a recipe—their signature. It requires knowledge, skill, experience, and creativity to maximize the results.

It would be impossible to write an essay on how to do the work. It would be like explaining how to swim. The only way to learn how to swim is to get into the water. This work requires getting into feelings to resolve symptoms. Anger work is essential in this model.  If a therapist has not done his/her own anger work, it will be almost impossible for the therapist to lead a client through their client’s anger work. It is necessary to understand the cognitive work as well, but only after the original pain work has been applied.

I simply wanted to share the model so the reader could obtain a better understanding of what it takes to make us whole, the way nature wants us to be. We have to undo and redo our childhood by having our adult self re-parent our inner child. This can only be done with a qualified therapist.

Attachment Theory

To truly understand Inner Child Work, one must be familiar with attachment theory. John Bowlby recognized the important dynamic between parent and child and how deeply this dynamic can impact social, emotional and cognitive development. “Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another person across time and space.”  (Ainsworth, 1973, Bowlby, 1969) Attachment theory explores the emotional bond between humans however, for this article, it is specifically between the child giver/mother and the infant. It examines how the mother/child bond develops and its impact on the consequential development.This is not to say the father doesn’t play a vital role as well. The mother is usually the baby’s first human bonding. The father can make significant contributions to the child’s well-being, often times offering corrective experiences. Bowlby identified four types of attachment styles: secure, anxious-ambivalent, disorganized and avoidant.

Bowlby felt that attachment is a biological process that all infants are born with.  He further suggested that all infants are born with an ‘attachment gene’ which allows them to discharge ‘social releasers’ so that when a child cries, they cling to an attachment figure or find some kind of attention seeking behavior to receive the attention and care they crave. Ostensibly, it is also present within the parent/caregiver so that the mother has the feeling to care for the child. Unfortunately, this is not true of all mothers. In his book, CHILDHOOD AND SOCIETY, Erik Erickson calls attention to the eight stages of man.  The first stage is 0-9 months, when the infant learns that the universe is either a safe or unfriendly place. This is established by the mother. If the mother is emotionally stable, the attachment gene will promote healthy bonding. The task for this first stage of life is to learn trust vs. mistrust.  The second stage of life he called Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt. If the mother’s parenting style allows her toddler to explore his universe while providing a safe environment, this will help promote a Secure Attachment.  There are of course other factors that contribute to a secure attachment, unconditional love is paramount.

In the video, Still Face Experiment, Dr. Edward Tronick demonstrates how while the mother is engaging with her baby, the baby shows alertness, social interaction, and a sense of joy. When the mother is asked to turn away and return with a still face, the child very quickly senses the withdrawal and becomes eager to resume the connection. In the two minutes while the mother sits with a still face, showing no emotion, the child tries hard to engage the mother using all the ways she had in the past. She becomes irritable and stressed as she is unable to regain the connection with her mother. When the mother goes back to interacting, the child immediately resumes her state of joy. Tronick uses the terms, the good, the bad and the ugly and identifies the good as the behavior we all do with our kids. The bad is when we don’t acknowledge them, and the ugly is when they feel the detachment over time. Once the mother re-engages with the baby, reparation occurs and the child overcomes the stress. When the mother is distant and unloving as a life style, the child has lost their sense of security which can last a life time. Many adult children came from homes where the mother was unavailable, narcissistic or unloving. This results in permanent damage to the development of the child. This is what Bowlby identified as Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment. (I recommend watching this video to all adult children of dysfunctional families: Still Face Experiment).

Avoidant Attachment

A third Attachment Style is called Avoidant Attachment. Children who grew up with a caregiver who demonstrated “avoidant” style behavior, grew up feeling unloved and not mattering. They often struggle with expressing their feelings as well as being out of touch with them. This manifests in adulthood by unconsciously avoiding intimate relationships.  They too often find fault with their potential partners, blaming the other for the failure of the relationship and not seeing their own contribution to the demise of the relationship. These are people who have commitment issues and fear of intimacy.  They are in a double bind, wanting the connection and avoiding it as soon as it happens. Most of us have been subjected to this attachment style.  It’s the dance of Codependency; “come here, go away!”

Disorganized Attachment

Bowlby termed the fourth attachment Disorganized Attachment. He felt it was a combination of avoidant and anxious attachment.  The common trait of children who came from parenting in this group was intense anger and rage. They have difficulty in controlling their emotions. This attachment disorder manifests into explosive outbursts, rendering relationships to fail.

If you have had a secure relationship from your birth, you are the lucky ones. However, if you came from families that were from any of the other 3 attachment styles, you can succeed in learning new behaviors that will enrich both your relationships and your life.  They are all treatable. It takes time to undo the doing. It takes perseverance, commitment, determination, courage and faith in yourself. A qualified therapist who specializes in Inner Child Work can challenge you to change and empower you to reach your goals. First step is owning your shadow side. After that, the rest comes easy.

If you enjoyed these three articles all on THE POWER OF THE INNER CHILD, let me know and I will continue on with the theme. I will use real case studies to illustrate how Inner Child works.

 

 

Share this article

Written by : Joan E. Childs

Joan E Childs, LCSW is a renowned psychotherapist, author and inspirational speaker. In private practice since 1978, she specializes in individual and couple’s therapy, grief therapy, EMDR, NLP, inner child work and codependency. Learn more about her services at https://joanechilds.com/services/