Parts Work
The human mind is very much like a ship where the sailors have mutinied and have locked the captain and the navigator in the cabin. Each sailor believes himself free to steer the ship as he pleases. First one sailor and then another takes over the helm while the ship travels on a random and erratic course…these sailors cannot agree on a goal and, even if they could, they do not know how to navigate the ship to reach it. The task of the individual is to quell this mutiny and release the navigator and captain. Only then is he free to choose a goal and steer a direct course to reach it. Plato’s Republic
Parts work therapy is the concept that we are composed of a number of various parts. They take up residency in our subconscious and unconscious. We are not monolithic. These parts make up our personality. It does not indicate a multiple personality. It simply means that we are adaptable, versatile and dynamic. We have an inner critic, a people pleaser, an adventurer, a wild women/man, a wise old man/woman, a raging bull, warrior, goddess and many others. These parts are archetypal energy. What is an archetype? In psychology archetypes are universal, inborn models of people, behaviors, or personalities that play a role in influencing human behavior. They were introduced by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist wo suggested that these archetypes were archaic forms of innate human knowledge passed down from our ancestors. Verywell Mind, June 30, 2020.
Each part plays a significant role in our lives. The goal of parts-therapy is to help us have all the parts of the self ready to show up when needed. Without knowledge of our parts, we cannot be whole. We need be able to integrate these parts to truly know ourselves.
In my groups I hosted a parts party, inviting each member to come in with costumes that would identify each character that lives within them. The members would introduce each part of their self to the other members of group and portray each part by sharing their given name, (i.e., King Kong, Michelangelo, Barbie, etc.). Each had a value, intention, expression, belief and behavior. For example, if they identified a part that was unresolved anger, they might have given the name, Hulk or Raging Bull. This revealed that they acknowledged and owned this part. Once this part is embraced, it finds a way to contain and express itself, rather than act out. Each group member would actualize and reveal their parts to the other group members. At the end, each would integrate all of their parts into the self, creating a whole. It was Aristotle who said, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Each member took turns presenting themselves on a stage in a one man show. The audience, (the other group members), applauded at the end of their performance. The group would process the work and share what parts they identified with. It took eight weeks for everyone to have their time on center stage. As each person owned and shared their parts, both their positive and negative, it became easier for the other members to do the same. It created authenticity in each member giving permission for the others to own their shadow side as well as their positive parts. The end result was that each member learned how to integrate their parts to become whole, the way nature intended us to be.
The movie, Inside Out, is illustrative of parts work. Although it basically highlights our emotions and their complexities, it reveals the dynamics of our diversified selves. We must embrace all of them to obtain wholeness. Ozark, a Netflix series is also illustrative of the various parts of our personality. Both Marty and Wendy Byrd reveal their parts throughout each episode in the series. They are caring parents, coupled with criminal behaviors. They fall deep into their shadow parts, including greed, avarice, murder and a complete loss of their once moral compass. At the same time, they have ritual family dinners and tuck their kids into bed each night with a kiss.
Our parts live in our neighborhood. We see or hear from them often. We need to get along with them. Each must be acknowledged and embraced. The more we connect with our parts, the more we can manage them. It is our responsibility to maintain control over them so they can serve us well. If we are conscious parents to our parts, they will maintain balance and harmony. Each part plays a significant role in our lives. The dark side of our personality is the most powerful. Never ignore them or attempt to shut them out. They will fight back with vengeance. Learn to negotiate with them by using your positive parts along with your adult self. You are the CEO of your parts. You need to create harmony, resolve issues and maximize their strengths in the service of your behalf.
Every part has a positive intention, even if their behavior may be a nuisance or even destructive to our well-being. The shadow side of our personality is the most difficult to identify and engage. If you have an inner critic, that is easy to own. If you are aggressive, self-destructive to yourself and/or others, these parts are more difficult to own. We tend to deny them. In order to be whole and balanced, all of your parts must be acknowledged and recognized. If not, they will become restless and demand your attention by acting out.
Every part has its own characteristics. It’s important to understand the significance of each part. We each have a Darth Vader, a Luke Skywalker, a Yoda and more. The goal is to know them, embrace all of them and manage them. The negative parts are the most powerful. You are the main satellite. Each part acts independently. Your mission is to control them. Its up to the captain, (the adult in you) to steer them in the right direction. This is about re-parenting your inner child. As you do, they will all be integrated and live happily ever after in your psyche. If you don’t embrace them, they will interfere with the quality of your life forever! To know oneself, to embrace all your parts is to be integrated and well-balanced. It takes work, self-discovery, introspection, honesty, determination, and a guided therapist to help you on your journey.
Jeff Foster posted an excellent article on Facebook that illustrates Parts Work. I want to share it with all my readers to help you understand what happens when your parts are not integrated and unmanaged.
THE WILL IN US, THE CHRIS IN US
I’m not here to pass judgement on what happened at the Oscars.
All I can say is, I’ve certainly felt like slapping people over the years.
And worse.
It’s extremely uncomfortable to experience, those sudden feelings of rage, powerlessness, the burning in the throat, chest, legs, the racing brain, the shaking, the heat. The blinding light, the ache, the sound and the fury of feeling attacked, shamed, or someone you love being mocked, for whatever reason.
Whether the mocking was intentional or not. It hurts.
And it happens in a flash.
A flash.
You just want relief from the hell of the moment.
You feel the tiger in you. The lion. The jackal.
The urge to rip off a face.
To bite off a limb.
To destroy the other, physically, psychologically, spiritually.
The animal lives in us.
In ALL of us.
In me, in you.
We are animals who can think abstractly, tell stories, use rationality, but we are animals all the same.
I am, you are.
And so.
You breathe.
You breathe into the beautiful, intelligent activated animal inside.
You sit in the boiling hot cauldron of the moment.
You sit in the reactivity.
(This is the cauldron that can destroy or transform, the cauldron that can produce something new, something never before seen, something creative, even something medicinal.)
Yes, sometimes you act on your urge.
You lash out.
But sometimes the urge acts on you.
It becomes your guru. Your teacher.
Your fierce, fiery, uncomfortable, wrathful, near-unbearable teacher. (And the best teachers usually are.)
You sit for one more moment, when previously you would have lea THE WILL IN US, THE CHRIS IN US
I’m not here to pass judgement on what happened at the Oscars.
All I can say is, I’ve certainly felt like slapping people over the years.
And worse.
It’s extremely uncomfortable to experience, those sudden feelings of rage, powerlessness, the burning in the throat, chest, legs, the racing brain, the shaking, the heat. The blinding light, the ache, the sound and the fury of feeling attacked, shamed, or someone you love being mocked, for whatever reason.
Whether the mocking was intentional or not. It hurts.
And it happens in a flash.
A flash.
You just want relief from the hell of the moment.
You feel the tiger in you. The lion. The jackal.
The urge to rip off a face.
To bite off a limb.
To destroy the other, physically, psychologically, spiritually.
The animal lives in us.
In ALL of us.
In me, in you.
We are animals who can think abstractly, tell stories, use rationality, but we are animals all the same.
I am, you are.
And so.
You breathe.
You breathe into the beautiful, intelligent activated animal inside.
You sit in the boiling hot cauldron of the moment.
You sit in the reactivity.
(This is the cauldron that can destroy or transform, the cauldron that can produce something new, something never before seen, something creative, even something medicinal.)
pt up and attacked, unconsciously, unthinkingly, automatically.
You breathe for one more breath, when previously you would have hurled abuse, tried to destroy, tried to hurt, tried to win.
You stay connected with your own body.
(It’s not easy, my friend. It takes practice.)
You begin, moment by moment, to break the habit of a lifetime, to break the chain of ancestral trauma and abuse and unconsciousness.
You bring light to darkness, moment by moment.
Yes, you are that powerful.
And necessary.
And it’s NOT easy.
And you have been so hurt, so very hurt and it was not your fault.
And you have acted on violent impulses before, yes.
And we are all human.
We all deserve a second chance.
Grace. Compassion. Forgiveness.
We all long to be heard.
For our pain to be heard.
And we can always begin again.
Humbly. Slowly. With infinite care.
We can begin today.
I’m not saying who is right and who is wrong here.
I’m not excusing violence of ANY kind.
I’m not condoning physical or verbal assault, by anyone, at any time.
I’m only saying, I have been there.
I have sat in the awful fire of shame and rage.
I have fantasized about destruction.
I have seen those violent images and voices play out in my head, felt the urgent fire in the sacred body, witnessed the terrifying impulse to do harm, knowing that I would only be harming a brother of mine, a sister, a friend, a reflection of my Original Face.
If we are honest, we have all been there, and we all may go there again. And soon.
There is no shame in feeling broken, a mess, full of rage.
Let’s lift the taboo.
No feeling is wrong, and, as Rumi says, no feeling is final.
Let’s lift the taboo on our intimate internal life.
Violence belongs in imagination, in myth and story and fantasy. There it can live its life to completion.
We have always loved stories of great battles.
We can rest as the storm rages.
And from a place of presence, we can make a new choice.
We are not bound anymore, blinded by our past, doomed to repeat unhealthy behaviors, puppets to the ones who didn’t know any better.
We can make a new choice. Today. Harness the rage (for it only wants to be heard). Use it to fight for good. To speak truth, fearlessly. To speak up about cases and causes we believe in. To speak out against abuse and bullying of any kind. To protest. Not to hurt or to damage, but to protect and uplift and educate and speak up for our loved ones. We can set healthy boundaries that are permeable and flexible, not walls that segregate and punish.
We can channel our rage into our art, or our sport. Splatter the canvas with “blood”. “Punch” the drums, the guitar, the piano, “smash” the status quo and forge something new and thrilling and maybe a bit shocking in a holy fire of creativity.
The best art never played it safe.
The true artist takes the raw, unfiltered, even unpalatable materials of the present moment and makes something new and unexpected, shows the world what is possible, transmutes lead into gold, leads by golden example.
“This is what it means to be deeply human”.
Let’s remove the shame and the taboo and separation around our hurt and our reactivity and find the Will in us, the Chris in us, the brothers and sisters of the heart in us, the sacred parts that are just trying to protect us and doing their best and sometimes messing up, and overstepping boundaries, and let’s talk about healing because God knows we all need healing now more than ever.
– Jeff Foster
Thank you, Jeff for this enlightening post!
In Part 3, I will introduce the Transformational Model Through Original Justice Work. You will see how the steps to transformation leads to healing the shame that binds us. You will also learn the meaning of Attachment Theory. All these fancy words come from learning about your Inner Child and the results of early attachment theory. Stay tuned!
