The Eagle and The Crow: A Worthy Fable

The only bird that dares to attack an eagle is a crow, but the eagle never fights back. Here is why:

The crow is the only bird bold enough to sit on the eagle’s back and peck at its neck.
Relentless. Annoying.But the eagle… stays calm.
The eagle doesn’t flap. Doesn’t fight. Doesn’t waste energy. It does one thing: It rises.
The higher the eagle soars. The thinner the air becomes. The crow? It can’t handle the altitude.
Eventually, the crow gasps. Loses strength…And falls off. Not because the eagle attacked. But because the eagle ascended.
Let the crows talk. Let them peck. You don’t have to respond. Just keep going higher.
They can’t follow you forever. Your growth will suffocate their noise. So don’t engage. Elevate.

“The Eagle and the Crow” was created in the first century of the Common Era by Aesop. It was part of a collection of fables for children that can serve as a useful tool to help people resolve the trauma and shame that have been perpetrated upon them and continue to be perpetrated upon them. Although there might have been therapists who utilized this fable, I only learned about it recently when I saw it on my Facebook page. It ignited an aha moment for me!

As a psychotherapist and life coach, I can understand the wisdom it can provide in supporting victims of emotional abuse and how to help them deactivate the triggers they have maintained throughout their lives. Although not a panacea, it is a great metaphor, and can be a useful resource in treatment to resolve unfinished business from early childhood trauma that ignites unconscious triggers that are still unresolved from the past.

Ascend Until They Fall

I immediately recognized the value this fable can offer. In her speech during the Democratic Convention, Michelle Obama spoke these words, “When they go down, we go up!” Although short and succinct, it modeled the same meaning as this fable. I suspect that there may be different interpretations of the fable depending on one’s history and filters, but for me, it has a healing intention for change and growth.

As a certified NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming), trained therapist and life coach, it is believed that metaphors are more powerful in helping clients understand concepts better than direct communication.

“Metaphors are effective because they create understanding, connection, and memorable impact by linking a complex or abstract concept to something familiar and tangible, activating imagination and emotion, and making information more accessible and persuasive. They provide a new way of seeing, summarize complex ideas, and can be deeply personal, allowing for vivid communication that resonates with the audience.” (AI)

That is perhaps why Aesop constructed children’s stories metaphorically. According to Merriam- Webster Dictionary, “a metaphor is a figure of speech in which a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea is used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy.”

By using neurological cues, particularly visual cues, we can connect a thought, idea, or concept easier than if we are directly told about it. The same is true for platitudes. Although seemingly trite, meaningless, or prosaic, it is often aimed at quelling social, emotional, or cognitive unease. It can be useful in certain instances. Both represent symbolically a better way to learn and understand. It has a positive intention, and I have had positive results when used appropriately.

There are many other fables that have the same effect that result in epiphanies and insights. Wikipedia cites at least 656 fables attributed to Aesop, and La Fontaine’s Fables contains 243 fables. In Hans Christian Anderson’s The Emperor’s New Clothes, meaning, or moral is that it is best to trust oneself and be honest; Speak up for the truth and what is right. Without honesty, people often end up looking very foolish.

The Eagle and the Crow

Too often, the impulse when we are triggered is to become defensive, aggressive and argumentative, especially if it triggers something in our past that has not been resolved. Those who have never had a secure attachment and have sustained unresolved conflicts from their family of origin are not able to self-regulate and too often go into fight or flight. It’s common to become highly reactive rather than being able to deal with it effectively. The feelings of being hurt and unjustly treated still lie beneath the surface of our awareness and pop up without thought or consideration of consequences.

In therapy, the work is to understand that it was never about the patient, only about what happened to them. Intentions do not matter. We need to know what happened. Once the awareness reaches consciousness and can be understood by the client, the reactive mode can be resolved.

The Eagle exemplifies how to let go and rise above past feelings. We learn to recognize its not about us, but about what happened to us when we were vulnerable and unable to protect ourselves. What we did as children was to weave a survival suit to protect ourselves, but as we grew into adulthood, it no longer served its purpose.

Thoughts and feelings are energy. They don’t dissipate, disappear, or dissolve. They remain until our cognition learns to accept what isn’t about us and chooses a way to let it go. It was never about us. It was because of the dysfunction in our families of origin.

So now it’s time to become an eagle. We are no longer children, even though the wounds remain. The eagle rises higher until the crow can no longer survive. In plain words, we must assert ourselves to a higher consciousness to be able to feel it’s more about those who abused us, than it is about ourselves. This takes practice. We are not eagles; however, we can learn from what nature has to offer, as reflected in fables and metaphors, if we are conscious and willing to grow. With growth comes healing, and when we heal, we no longer resort to what comes naturally; instead, we choose a behavior that works. That’s what healthy adults do!

In her book, Let Them, Mel Robbins speaks to this issue. If we don’t get reactive, the trigger will die as it did with the crow. In my book, DO YOU HATE THE ONE YOU LOVE, Strategies for Healing and Saving Your Relationship, I demonstrate how this can be done with couples who are in crisis.

I know this resonates with many who have seen this metaphor. I posted it on Facebook, and the response I received validated my feelings. That is why I decided to write this blog. I felt it was worthy of a deeper understanding of how this works in treatment and wellness. The Eagle and the Crow is not the only fable/metaphor used in treatment. However, it holds a special place for those who cannot contain the anger and frustration from the past and continue to use old behaviors that are not only ineffective but keep us stuck in the past. If not resolved, it will contaminate our relationships. When we keep using the same response that doesn’t work, it’s time to find one that does!

Bullies Instead of Crows

There are times when we need more than to emulate the eagle. Eagles set boundaries by ascending until the crow cannot sustain power. However, human beings cannot always expect that it works with bullies. Knowing that bullies are cowards, it is often necessary to try something else. Since two wrongs don’t make a right, perhaps ignoring the person who bullies you might be the best solution. The bully loves to get a response of anger, frustration, and especially tears to draw their prey into a defensive mode, resulting in fights with intense emotions. If a bully gets the results of capitulation, rendering their target powerless, they will be relentless in their oppressive behavior, but when there is no response, they lose interest in maintaining their abuse. Its only when they get a rise out of their victim that they feel empowered. It’s up to the abused to feel empowered! Walk away, stay away, and stay silent!

The Power of Silence

Silence is louder than words. It’s more powerful than words and works well with family members, husbands, wives, friends, and even children. The temporary disruption in the relationship is more empowering than attempting to try to resolve the unresolvable. The power struggle is interrupted. A pattern interruption (NLP) is more powerful than any other reaction. It affects positive change in the abuser’s behavior. “Pattern interruption methods disrupt habitual thought processes or actions by introducing an unexpected element, such as humor, a sudden change in environment, or a challenging question, to capture attention and encourage a new response.” (AI overview)

In closing, fables are used in therapy to assist clients to identify and resolve issues that are interfering with the quality of their lives. They produce a significant connection to understanding what has kept them locked into past traumas. It unlocks the door to the unconscious in less time than talking about it. Its like using a key to open a door rather than picking the lock. (I just used a made-up platitude, and I bet you got it!)