POST TRAUMATIC BREAK UP DISORDER: A THREE PART SERIES ON BREAKING UP

Part I

What happens when you break up from a relationship?  It’s a nightmare that never feels like it’s going to end. What occurs when your investment of time, energy and emotions come tumbling down destroying all your hopes, wishes and dreams? What are the physical and emotional ramifications of this disorder that leaves you anxious, depressed and feeling hopeless, often losing faith and trust in the opposite sex?

Here are some of the manifestations of a broken heart that can take weeks months and sometimes even years to overcome, especially if the essence of the relationship was a love addiction and the drug of choice.

 The physical and emotional symptoms that accompany a broken heart are in fact an actual pain in the heart; a feeling that part of you is sick and even gone.  A heart ache is a common effect and the pain is palpable.  You’re not crazy!  It’s real!  Sleepless nights, loss of appetite and weight, a devalued sense of identity and a diminished sense of self worth are all common effects of a broken relationship. In addition crying spells when you least expect them, sudden outbursts, stomach aches, headaches, diarrhea, murderous rage, frustration, deep hurt and a feeling that this will never pass are also all normal reactions to a breakup.

The feelings of the dumper are different than that of the dumpee.  Both suffer, but with different emotions and experiences.   The dumper even with a sense of relief that it’s over, can experience a sense of guilt, self doubt and shame, while the dumpee is devastated, confused, sad, often nauseous, grief-stricken and feeling  lost with a loss of interest in everything.  Just getting by day by day is an all out effort.  Feelings of abandonment, loneliness, apathy, self-degradation and even suicidal ideation are not uncommon.  Love loss can make you both physically and emotionally ill. 

There is an important distinction between losing a relationship that was based on healthy, adult love and one that was based on codependency.  The pain that lasts longer than a few months causing a clinical depression with a need for an anti-depression and anti-anxiety medication and an inability to cope with the loss is often a sign of a codependent, love addiction.  When you feel that you can’t go on without the other, that the other made you whole, that your world and happiness depended on the other, then you can be sure that it was a codependent relationship and you can be certain that if your suffering is lingering more than six months, you have all the signs of a classic love addict!   

If that is the case, you need help!  There is a reason why your struggle in letting go is so interminable.  It has to do with your history that you brought into the relationship hoping that it would make your past better in the present.  That never works.  You are the one who needs to heal the past in order to make better choices in the present.

Please watch for my next blog for part II. DID I EVER REALLY MATTER?