Last First Date Radio: Why We Repeat Toxic Patterns in Relationships

Joan Childs – Why We Repeat Toxic Patterns in Relationships

Joan Childs shares her wisdom in this Last First Date Radio episode, “Why We Repeat Toxic Patterns in Relationships.”

• Why we repeat toxic patterns in relationships
• What to do when there’s a loss of intimacy in a relationship
• The biggest myth about love and relationships

Featured on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbas3CtpZy4

What inspired you to write Do You Hate the One You Love?

 Over the years, I heard the same expressions from women that they hated how their partner behaved. I would ask why they were with someone they hated. They’d say they love him, but they hate the way he behaved. It’s common to have opposing feelings at the same time.

Why do we repeat toxic patterns in relationships?

Nobody should be subjected to abuse. A lot of women don’t feel they have options to leave. Ask yourself if this is something you want to do the rest of your life, especially if the other person isn’t willing to change. I try to help the person receiving the abuse. I ask why they stay.

We often repeat toxic patterns unconsciously due to childhood wounds.

“Who treated you like that as a child? When were you bullied? When do you fell ‘less than?” We discover the link between their past and the patterns that show up in dating and relationships.

The relationship lives in between the two of you, and if it becomes polluted and contaminated over time, not only are they the receivers of this toxicity, if there are children involved, they are the recipient of this toxicity until they break the pattern.

What are the most common mistakes people make in relationships, and how can they avoid them?

Don’t get between the sheets before two months. Know what you want in a relationship. Write those things down. How do you know you’ll get all that within a short amount of time? We tend to project onto a person before we know them. Be open. Share your concerns. Ask questions. Communicate openly to avoid the surprises when someone is not a good match.

What is one step someone can take today to break their toxic patterns in relationships?

Look at your past and recognize the behaviors they’ve brought into the here and now. I give a life history questionnaire to my patients to find out what their past was like. By the time they come in, I know where I need to go with them. Ask yourself if you want to change. It’s not easy, but it’s possible to change.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Identify what you can and can’t live with. What can you and can’t you live without? Look for those qualities. Understand that it takes time for those things to come out. Set boundaries and be honest with them if you like them. M. Scott Peck said, “Love is the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” That’s what you want in a relationship!

Reprinted from https://lastfirstdate.com