Happy New Year!

“We existed before birth, and we will exist after death, because our real nature is the immortal soul, not the body. The soul’s energy is love. We incarnate to learn that only love is real, that everything else is illusion. We never lose our loved ones because soul relationships are eternal.”
-Brian Weiss, MD

THE BEST AND WORST OF TIMES

Borrowing and revising a phrase from Dickens’ Tale of Two Cities, these two plus years have been the worst of times. There are those however, who have benefited and saw it as the best of times. For most of us, fear of the unknown, loss of loved ones and the heartache of not being able to see our family members in hospitals, most of whom on ventilators, has created trauma, that we as a nation have never known before in our lives. More than 5 million people have died worldwide; 800,000 in the US, (twice as many as in WWII), and thousands more fighting for their lives in hospitals.

So, here we are, heading toward 2022, accompanied by Covid and assorted variants, doing our best in these precarious times to celebrate the holidays once more. The changes that have come about during the pandemic have been very challenging. The toll it has taken has yet to be determined. It has been a time of deep introspection, revelation and turmoil. At this time, most have known someone close who have been struck down by Covid or have been a recipient as well. Some have passed away and many have survived, but not without a struggle to a greater or lessor degree. We have been breathing in carbon dioxide as we exhale in our masks. We have lost our social interaction as we once knew and enjoyed. Hugs are a thing of the past. Yearning to be touched is omnipresent. Our family gatherings that were paramount in our lives have virtually disappeared or dwindled. Some have lost jobs, some lost homes, some became richer, and many have weathered the storm with anxiety and depression. Our basic needs have been ruptured and uncertainty has caused confusion and rippling effects from mental illness to a rise in addictive behaviors as well as stress in our relationships and family systems. Our children have been adversely affected. A cascade of emotions interferes with our daily routines. Working remotely has been a double edge blade. Life that we once knew is gone, replaced with a new norm; a norm filled with loneliness and fear. It’s been nuts and we are losing patience. We feel driven to return to the lives we once had and might have taken for granted. Many are willing to risk their health for connection. Has there been anything that can qualify as the best of times?

PERHAPS

Those of us who have reflected on the deeper message of the pandemic can appreciate what life offered and how precious it is. We have learned to live in the moment, be grateful for what we have rather than disgruntled for what we don’t. We have come to terms with the fact that there is little we can do about it. Our consciousness has emerged to a higher level and much of what we once thought to be true is no longer true; and that isn’t so bad! Reassessing our values, our beliefs and our goals can only add to our personal growth. We keep the ones we want and weed out the ones that have become antiquated or useless. We have learned that our world, our environment and all the other species who share our planet need nurturing and care as much as we do. Although challenging, change can be a good thing. Our world seems to be spinning at a pace faster than we can imbibe and assimilate. The human spirit can and will profit from these changes as long as we embrace them; not fear them. We are destined to manifest. Nothing will ever stop what is our destiny. Stay calm everyone. We will get through this together.

MY MEANDERINGS

I am spending my holidays with family cautiously and in small numbers. We have all been fully vaccinated, most with a booster and continue to follow the guidelines of the CDC. As an octogenarian, I am grateful for arriving to these years, still following my bliss, which has been to help others. By doing so, I have helped myself. I’ve had my share of losses, grief, pain, regrets and sorrow. I’ve also had joy, self-actualization, serenity, happiness and love. I have become more spiritual and less materialistic; more embedded in my faith and God as I know God. It all balances out. My purpose and passion will continue as long as I am able to maintain the standard of care necessary to provide support and effectuate change in those who seek my help. My mission has been and will continue to be, to eliminate shame from mental illness.  I feel blessed to have my family, my friends and my clients who have given me the opportunity to support and achieve my goals. To say that I am fearless would be a falsehood. I have fears coupled with faith—concerns coupled with hope—struggles coupled with courage. I have seen those who have reached out to others less fortunate; neighbors coming together for the benefit of community; countries reaching out to other countries to offer support and people sacrificing their lives for the sake of others. Yes, there are those who’s hate have proliferated; those who are selfish and mean spirited and those who want to destroy what is so precious to us. That has always been and will always be. On the brighter side, I have seen kindness and generosity of spirit grow beyond my wildest imagination. I have seen compassion and love generate in abundance to those who needed it most. Despite the degradation and depredation of many, goodness and mercy flourishes. This has been the worst of times and in some anomalous ways, the best of times!

The pandemic has been a rude awakening; a sort of epiphany to bring us to recognize what really matters. It has forced us to look at our behaviors, to realign our values, beliefs and priorities. It has taught us lessons that can instill hope for a more meaningful life. Sometimes the worst of times can morph into the best of times. We can become the best that we can be for ourselves, others and the planet. Out of pain comes redemption. We will heal. We will recover.
I am wishing all of you a New Year filled with happiness, good health and most of all, LOVE. Whether you receive love from your partner, children, parents, neighbors, friends, pets, strangers, and best of all, yourself, take it in; breathe it in and know that you deserve it! Time is our most precious possession. Make it matter!

Joan E Childs, LCSW is a renowned psychotherapist, inspirational speaker and author of Do You Hate the One You Love: Strategies For Healing and Saving Your Relationship. In private practice since 1978, she specializes in individual and couple’s therapy, grief therapy, EMDR, NLP, Inner Child Work and codependency. Learn more about her services at www.joanechilds.com.