Grief and Loss

If you are worried about your child committing suicide, if your child has been diagnosed with a mental disorder that could precipitate suicide, or if you have gone through every parent’s worst nightmare, please read this blog. It’s a true short story that just might help you save their life or help you with the impending grief that follows from losing a child through suicide.

Grief is Not Just an Emotion: Jim Carrey

Grief is not just an emotion—it’s an unraveling, a space where something once lived but is now gone. It carves through you, leaving a hollow ache where love once resided.

Initially, it feels unbearable, like a wound that will never close. But over time, the raw edges begin to mend. The pain softens, but the imprint remains—a quiet reminder of what once was. The truth is, you never truly “move on.” You move with it. The love you had does not disappear; it transforms. It lingers in the echoes of laughter, in the warmth of old memories, in the silent moments where you still reach for what is no longer there. And that’s okay.

Grief is not a burden to be hidden. It is not a weakness to be ashamed of. It is the most profound proof that love existed, that something beautiful once touched your life. So let yourself feel it. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself remember.

There is no timeline, no “right” way to grieve. Some days will be heavy, and some will feel lighter. Some moments will bring unexpected waves of sadness, while others will fill you with gratitude for the love you were lucky to experience.

Honor your grief, for it is sacred. It is a testament to the depth of your heart. And in time, you will find healing through the pain—not because you have forgotten, but because you have learned how to carry love and loss together.

– Jim Carrey

Why Did She Jump: Pamela

On July 2, 1998 my brilliant, beautiful daughter, Pamela, leaped to her death from a 15-story window. Suicide was not her choice; bipolar disorder was her executioner.

Nor all the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men, could not put her together again. Pam was 34 years old, a wizard therapist, a loving sister, daughter and granddaughter. Most of all, she was an exemplary human being who struggled for many years with bipolar disorder. It took more than ten years to obtain a differential diagnosis due to the comorbidity of other mental illnesses. Her untimely death lies in the culpability of our broken healthcare system, which has not changed since her demise. Pam needed long-term care. After more than a dozen mental health practitioners and a dozen short-term hospitalizations due to the HMO tragedy, she perished because of a system that was unwilling to provide her with the care she needed.

Suicide: The Statistics

We are a country of wealth, yet we lack a system to support mental illness. How many mentally ill Americans have fallen through the cracks, as did Pam? According to the National Crime Records Bureau in 2022, the age-adjusted suicide rate was 14.21 per 100,000 individuals. That is one death every 11 minutes. Over 49,000 people died by suicide in 2022, one death every 11 minutes. The statistics are not available for 2024. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in young people between the ages of 15-25. Among females, the suicide rate was highest for those age 45-64 (8.6 per 100,000).
Among males, the suicide rate was highest for those age 75 and older (43.9 per 100,000).
Suicide is a major public health concern. Suicide is among the leading causes of death in the United States. Based on recent mortality data, suicide in some populations is on the rise.
Suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10-14 and 25-34, the third leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 15-24, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 44.
There were nearly two times as many suicides (49,476) in the United States as there were homicides (24,849).

Need I write more? These statistics are self-evident that something is rotten in our country.

I have been a mental health practitioner for nearly 50 years. On March 31 of 2025, I resigned my license with regret that I could not witness positive change in our mental healthcare system. Having lost a daughter and having counseled countless families who have suffered the same nightmare, it saddens me to see that in more than 25 years, nothing has changed.

It has been more than 25 years since I lost my daughter. Yet, 25 years later, suicide rates have increased without any change in our broken healthcare system. Why? I don’t have the answer to this. I am not sure where the blame lies, but the facts don’t lie. They are not fake. Having a suicide help number to call is not enough. Yes, it’s helpful, but it’s what happens after the call that matters.

On February 16, 2025, just two months ago, my revised book, WHY DID SHE JUMP? My Daughter’s Battle with Mental Illness, a Broken Healthcare System, and My Ultimate Search for Peace was released. For those of you who have shared every parent’s worst nightmare, I recommend that you read my book. It may not save your child from suicide, but it might help you learn from my experience how to navigate through the grief and loss that seems interminable. I urge you to know about the signs that will give you cues that might save a life. There are no guarantees in life, but knowledge is power. The emotions that cascade down like a ceaseless waterfall, keeping you awake at night, will eventually dissipate; however, as Jim Carrey wrote, “You never really move on, you move with it” is true. Going through the five stages of grief can be different for each individual. Don’t compare your grief to anyone else. It’s a very personal experience. Grieving is the healing feeling. It’s a must, so honor it! There is no shame in grieving!

*If I can help, please do not hesitate to contact me. I am a certified grief counselor, a manifestation that came out of my own experience. It’s a journey that starts with the first step. TAKE IT!