WHY I THINK DO YOU HATE THE ONE YOU LOVE? IS WORTH THE READ

There are so many self-help books on How To’s with regard to helping couples resolve their issues and find the love that was lost. According to the latest data from Bowker, the U.S. tracking agency for book identifiers, over 4.2 million total books are published annually in the United States alone (comprising roughly 642,000 traditional titles and 3.5 million self-published titles). That’s a hellava lot of books!

SO HOW DOES ONE CHOOSE? WHICH IS THE RIGHT ONE FOR THEM?

Most books in my category would have treated the communication tips, the conflict resolution, or the therapy sessions as the point. After nearly 50 years as a relationship therapist and now a relationship coach, I understood that the symptoms are not the disease. I do not heal problems; It’s an adventure to discover each other’s authenticity!

I understood that the heartbreak, the abuse, the unmentionable challenges, the partner you despise as much as you adore, the childhood origins, the intimacy, the rituals, the principles, and the polluted space are not just a plot. They are a long overdue act of healing. That space must be sacred for the relationship to survive. 

I understood that the reader who has been searching for a story that captures the tension between love and hate, who has been craving a work that weaves authentic therapeutic insight into a narrative that pulses with heart, wisdom, and fierce relational love, who has been longing for a book that asks what it means to be seen and heard needs not a polemic but a story about humanity. A story that says, I have stood exactly where this couple stands, and I found that the question is not whether the relationship will survive. It is whether we will remember that the core problems can be traced back to childhood, and that healing is possible. It is my belief that problems in a relationship are carry overs from early childhood wounds that are carried into our choices for a partner.  It is always on an unconscious level unknown to the conscious mind.  The reason being, that it feels familiar; not necessarily healthy.  It’s our inner child that does the choosing, not our conscious adult mind.  Once the family of origin issues are realized and resolved, our choices can be made from our neo cortex and frontal lobes; those parts of our brain that are evolved and enlightened.  

The work requires only one word from each partner in the relationship: COMMITMENT with a Capital C!  Each partner must give me a big fat YES!  If one is uncertain or hesitant, or already emotionally out of the relationship, no therapist can weave the magic wand and make it better.  I will not work with a couple without the big C from each partner.  The book illustrates this with a couple you will see who I am working with as well as read.  As the reader, you will be a fly on the wall.

If you are curious, you can purchase the book on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or your favorite bookstore.  It’s on hard cover, paperback, E-book and audible.  

Please feel free to reach out to me at joanechilds@gmail.com or my website, www.joanechilds.com.