The Birth of a Book

It is difficult to describe the feeling when you complete a project that has been a mission of purpose and passion. The closest feeling I have is when I gave birth. The process was long, arduous and painful, but perhaps the most gratifying feeling one can imagine when you hear the cry of your new born and knowing it is alive and well. The feeling of my new born child on my body made every labor pain worth the effort. The exchange of what was in my womb growing for months, now lying on my breast was analogous to placing the period at the last sentence of my book. I HATE THE MAN I LOVE took about the same time from conception to delivery. I labored endlessly with both. There is a sense of relief transcended by a feeling of euphoria. The sense of accomplishment perpetrated by a commitment and a muse that was relentless, lifted me to a height of exhilaration and delight comparable only to the memories of giving birth.

It all began in my office while working with a very estranged couple. Jackie’s shouting radiated throughout my office into the waiting room and out into the hall. Her rage and hysteria permeated into every square inch of space sucking up all the oxygen leaving her husband and me in a state of shock.

“I hate him” she shouted, over and over. “I hate this bastard, this dick, this asshole. He’s a piece of shit.” She substantiated all her reasons to justify her feelings, then once more shrieked, “I’m done!”

Jackie stood up, tossing her Prada bag over her shoulder, walked swiftly to the door, slamming it as she fled the office. I could hear her matching Prada heels clicking all the way to elevator. Her husband shrugged his shoulders with no words to follow.

The following week Jackie returned for an individual session lamenting a laundry list of reasons she hates her husband. When I asked her why she continues to remain in the marriage that she finds so repulsive, she looked at me wide-eyed and said, “Because I love him.”
“So, you hate the man you love?” I asked.

“Yes, I do. When he’s not acting like a dick or asshole, he’s actually a nice guy.”

I sat silent contemplating her words and within moments I had the title to my next book — I HATE THE MAN I LOVE. In my forty plus years of private practice as a psychotherapist, I realized that those words have filtered through my office endless times by women caught up in a love/hate relationship.

I lay in bed that evening, unable to sleep while visions of sugar plums were replaced with words, thoughts and ideas about the book. This translated to sitting down across from my faithful Dell desk top, dancing my fingers onto the keyboard and tapping out the start of a new book. I had already published two, THE MYTH OF THE MAIDEN: On Being a Woman and WHY DID SHE JUMP? My Daughter’s Battle with Bipolar Disorder. This one would be different. The previous had been autobiographical and personal. This followed the theme of my life’s work. It was the culmination of nearly 42 years of experience working with women who shared the same phenomenon — that of hating and loving the same man.

I wanted to share my excitement about the release of the book in May 2020. I will continue to update you with any events related to book signings, presentations and radio/television appearances.

Watch for announcements on Facebook, Linked-in, Twitter and Instagram. I thank you in advance for your support. Believe me, this is for every woman interested in finding the key to success in their relationships and a gift to all the men with a sense of curiosity and wonder!

Joan E Childs, LCSW is a renowned psychotherapist, inspirational speaker and author of Do You Hate the One You Love: Strategies For Healing and Saving Your Relationship. In private practice since 1978, she specializes in individual and couple’s therapy, grief therapy, EMDR, NLP, inner child work and codependency. Learn more about her services at www.joanechilds.com.