Don’t Don’t Fix It! Just Listen!

I Hate the Man I Love: A Conscious Relationship Is Your Key to Success

The following is from a series of excerpts from the new book by Joan E. Childs, I Hate the Man I Love: A Conscious Relationship Is Your Key to Success, Chapter 5.

Don’t Fix It! Just Listen!

Perhaps the reason for all the misunderstanding boils down to one simple fact:
Listening is a skill, a learning process that requires mindfulness and practice.
Effective communication, which begins with active listening, is perhaps the most essential ingredient in any successful, conscious relationship. Sadly, it is also something that most couples lack and seem to take for granted.

Many men hold the misconception that it is their responsibility to fix the problems presented by their partners when that is not their intention as all. Women are merely expressing their feelings that might be a concern or something that may need attention at home. If a man has an expectation that it is his responsibility to fix it, he may use a defense mechanism as his response instead of listening with an open mind and being present.

The art of presencing is key to effective communication. I teach the art in many of the chapters in my book using real life examples of couples I have treated in the process of Encounter-centered Couples Transformation. As you read through the chapters you might feel as if you are a fly on the wall, observing the process and how it unfolds. You can learn the difference between a dialogue and a visit. In a dialogue too often listening gets lost. In a visit, there is a process that is taught using minimal dialogue to stay present. The outcome will surprise you and give you hope that your relationship can benefit by learning these principles and rituals of effective communication.

I Hate the Man I Love: A Conscious Relationship Is Your Key to Success is now available for purchase on Amazon Kindle and paperback on October 11, 2020.

Joan E Childs, LCSW is a renowned psychotherapist, inspirational speaker and author of Do You Hate the One You Love: Strategies For Healing and Saving Your Relationship. In private practice since 1978, she specializes in individual and couple’s therapy, grief therapy, EMDR, NLP, inner child work and codependency. Learn more about her services at www.joanechilds.com.